I have been keeping myself "busy", but at the same time have felt so completely motionless. For a while I felt like I had fallen into a bucket of slow drying cement and slowly the days were getting harder and harder. The relentless force of time has been knocking at my door, urging me to do what I know I must... go on with life... life without Noah.
The truth is when Noah was here I felt an inner strength. Like I would, and could, accomplish anything. I had gained a confidence about me. I could speak up, speak out and although I hoped sharing our journey could help and inspire others ....I wasn't frightened about letting the words just spill out. When Noah died I knew what I had to do. Our story, that I had began sharing, was unfinished. There were so many things left unsaid. Experiences unshared. Emotions left unreconciled. Things that I felt could bring sunshine to others who might find themselves in the dark places, places I had visited and still frequented often. Things that could also transcend our circumstances and speak to people going about their daily walk in life.
But in the wake of losing Noah I had lost a little bit of that inner strength. I became doubtful that I could somehow even try to share the profound life changing experience we have had. But then I read a blog of a lady just like me. A fellow HIE mum who had lost her beautiful son Leroy. Her blog was titled No Words. She spoke about being lost for words and having none to really express what she was feeling. Her words were so simple yet so exactly what I needed to hear at that exact time. It showed me how powerful one persons true words can be.
And so now I am ready to share...
Starting with a poem that I came across called He Is Gone by David Harkins. These words bring me great comfort and strength as I walk through the door of tomorrow.